yadda yadda yadda....What a week, the flu just would not let up...I got my first real night of sleep last night. A couple Tylenol Pm's and I was off to the races...in dreamland, yes, I saw Lord of the Rings, Return of the King last night....what an amazing movie.

Simple today, the flu sucks, bring our soldiers home, and Saddam looked just like I imagined he would. Go USA, come on other countries, let us bring our soldiers home!!!

I'm still here, at work now...fun fun fun...would like to do something else, we now have to take our lunches at a specific time...so...I watch phone calls go by and calmly eat my lunch....I love lunch too...I think that it is the most important meal of the day..Well have one heck of a day...

I want something positive....my insides are screaming negative...NO Caffeine either...!! Just a regular Tuesday and I am finding myself saying "This too shall pass" The little demon grows larger...Last night was wonderful at home, sitting warm and cozy watching a movie....Going to sleep was a little difficult due to the fact that my neighbors are jammin their music at 11:23 pm....that becomes somewhat irritating. Luckily I have their number and they are willing to turn it down. Well, I hope to get through this day like the next....Thank you God and a special prayer out to my youngest sons mom. She is having a hard time with all the boys and I just pray for her strength and perseverence.

A new day....I took all of my stuff from my desk at work....my pictures, and Spawn collection....everything....Starting again from new is where I am going with this. I need a reboot. The weather has me down, my new schedule has me down, so I am trying to do something proactive to help me through the day, give me some new focus on what is important and what is not. I hope it helps, because at the end of the day, all I want to do is sleep, I went to bed at 7 yesterday, and woke up feeling great...:). We are currently looking for a new place to live, and I am continually asking God to direct us both in our hearts and our actions. I would like to find something that would be better for the kids, not just some hole to sleep in.....Need some light here...

I am still here...been very busy lately, work is changing along with the weather. Let me say that I miss the sun....The drives back home from the office are dark and dreary. REALLY!! :) Ok, my youngest can now write his name and is really good at puzzles....my 9 year old is still beating me at chess and the 11 yr old still hangs up on me whenever he can....But at least he knows that I am thinking of him. My mom and Aunt are going to the Carribean and I am looking for a new, bigger place to live. :)...Well, that about sums it up for now....Take care and have an Awesome Holiday Season!!! God Bless!!!

I am so glad that everything is going well right now. Minus that the county got into my bank account...taking money out for something that I have already payed for, my son in Idaho still hangs up on me everytime that I call. I have taxes that need to be payed...hmmmm....Well that about covers it....Other than that everything is fine.

The boys the boys the boys...tomorrow oh boy, The youngest will be getting his new bicycle....:) I cant wait. Tonight we are going to the city for the Fireworks tonight...:)

I hope everyone is doing well...:)

What a day, nice bike ride tonight up to Shattuck to the Starbucks near Andranico's. Wow, that was a ride up the hill....My bike does not have the same gears as my girlfriends..that is for sure...I am surprised that she is doing so well, I had a definite head start this summer for my legs...and yesterday, when we went to 6th street, she fell sideways when a dog came at her....now she has scratch marks on her legs where the sprockets bit her...;) She has done very well though....:) I hope that everyone is doing well. I am looking forward to the end of the month. Where we will be going to spend a weekend in Salinas to celebrate my cousins wedding. We have reserved a spot at a very inexpensive hotel. Why spend money for somewhere where we will just be putting our stuff. I hope to take the bikes so that we can do a little riding before the ceremony and the reception. I have to remember to get directions for the day. So, that is all there is for today, my youngest is at the other computer..watching Lilo and Stitch which we rented at the library. Berkeley has some really good libraries. Thank you for your time, and I am glad that I have this outlet to continue to write. ;)...later

I am sooooo looking forward to having my youngest this week. We will be going on bike rides for all three days...fun fun fun....Also, since my cousin is getting married this month...we will be going to Pebble Beach to go spend some time at the end of the month. We made sure that we got the reservations made. On another note, I am working on my "yelling", I am finding out lately that my patience sure needs to be worked on....There is alot going on in my days. The taxes are on me right now and I need to get them paid...Not the easiest thing to do. But when are taxes actually easy to get take care of...hmmm. Well, have a great week, many people are in my prayers.

Sitting on my couch, on a Thursday morning, enjoying the peace and quiet...Yeah right!!! So the server is running...doing some kind of rip and the cd burner is churning out finished copy, the main is on emule and downloading on Mirc and it is not so quiet...That is funny, I forgot how to spell quiet...Whatever!! So school is coming up for my middle boy, and I am going to see him "one last time" before that starts..just one day though...but that is better than nothing. I hope that everyone is doing well and that today will stay as cool as it has started...I wonder when my neighbors get up...I think that I will have to go water the garden soon....My fav!! Well later and have a blessed day!!

Many days....Went for a nice bike ride yesterday, almost 3 hours...all over the Berkeley Marina, actually saw places that I have never seen before...one is a nice park for barbeques and the other is a place where the windsurfers play...they even have these mini cranes to help them get their boards out of the water...I am feeling quite sleepy right now...Logged into work. I am watching my wireless system. The neighbors are using the feed, yet they just dont feel compelled to help pay for the system...I think that I will have to inhibit the connection...

So, now that Google has the toolbar, I can easily get to this blog at any time day or night rain or shine sleet or snow dust or forget it...Ha...

Hello...What a last couple of weeks before my lady comes home....What a close look I have had to take with myself....:) I am learning...slowly to respect that I need people...many people in my life...that there are things that I can and cannot do...like drink too much coffee (makes me feel crappy) and all the rest...I got a new bike rack for my car, soon hopefully my lady and I will both have bikes and we can go on rides...:) Somewhere like Carmel would be fun...:) I hope that everyone is doing well, and God Bless!!

What? So you thought that I would call it quits and not come back and let you know that I have found one of the secrets to my health. Working out after work is such a blessing for me...It burns away the bad feelings and lets me have some energy that I guess is stored deep inside...somewhere where I have it saved for being angry or rambunctious...I think that is how you spell that....:)

I just want to let you know also that the feelings that I have inside for my oldest are maturing and growing to accept his decision to not have me be a part of his life, unfortunately, I feel compelled to stand up for my other boys involvement in his life, and that will mean that I dont think that adoption is a viable alternative. I may regret this in the future, but he will never be able to say that I quit trying to have him be a part of my life. That is it. How can I draw up documents for this?

I am sitting here burning the copies to my linux collection. I now have lindows 4.0, mandrake, slackware, redhat and SuSe 8.2 professional, also Knoppix. Knoppix runs the best right now. The server that I have really needs another GB of RAM. That is for sure. :)

Well, that is enough for now...oh, watching LXG on the laptop with the wireless card...Nice!!! :)

Well, my brother got married....I am happy for him...I was filled with emotion and energy during this time, and I want to say that it was a great time. I am glad the my middle son was there, and missed my youngests presence...I know that I would not have been able to watch him the way that he would have needed to be watched. I will write about it more later....I am tired, and have to go to work earlier tomorrow...like 4:30 in the morning....Goodnight, and have a great week....

Another weekend. Wow, I am glad that I made it through...For a while there yesterday (Saturday) and today I didnt know what i was going to do...I was full of loneliness, the house seemed too small and to...hmmmmm quiet...I have been playing the Classical music the whole time. I was able to update my website and put the pictures and blurbs that I needed to. Mar and I talked quite often, due to the bad dream that I had in the middle of the night...The wireless card is working well, time to send in the rebate ticket...:) I dont know why they did not ship the omni antenna with it...I will have to follow up on that one. ;). In my usual nice way. Taking back my youngest was really hard this time. I felt like this big hole was opened up in the middle of me....I want to work on getting my passport...it is going to cost me an unimaginable amount of money. I hope that I am able to do it...Nothing, other than my children is more important for me....Well, have a great week. My brothers wedding is next week...Oh, boy!! I want to tell him not to get married, but that is because of my past, not his...I do wish him well. At least he has found someone that is as messy as he is...:) Goodnight.

Another lovely day, ended up waiting around for the wireless card most of the day. I have to say, that I am lucky and that the card showed up when it was supposed to. But that did not mean that my youngest and i did not have to stay around the place for 3 and a half hours....Ok, so I purchased a Buffalo wireless card, and although it said that there was going to be a omni directional antenna with it...there was not one. I called and they said, we would be happy to get the card back, and pay for the shipping too. What a joke, I thought that I would enjoy getting the card off of the interenet, but alas, it has not been a pleasant experience...too bad. Well the rest of the day went well, for a budget day...nice dinner at a friends house...:) Well that is all for now...I will be watching Mask with my youngest....:) Sitting on the couch typing this...wirelessly..;)

hey, I got my wireless system installed...:) It is working very well....:)

Another day!! Whew hoo!! Went to Tahoe this last weekend with my brother and his friends for his bachelor party. Unfortunately I lost all my money and then I went to the strip club. See that is the wrong sequence of events...but I found that it wasnt necessary to pay to watch. Thanks!! Well I am at work right now...I am on a diet...damn it hurts..walked over to the store to pick up a coke...used the winning bottle cap cause I am so damn broke...:) Well, that is about all now. Have a great day...or night

Well I have finally set up my server at home, for now it is unplugged...I want to sell it, which means that I will be taking pictures of it and finalizing the blurb for Ebay. I have to pay off some of my bills, that is my only justification. That, and the blasted box cost 70 bucks a month to run 24/7....oh well....:)

I am so glad that I have children. All three of them have been blessings in there individual ways. I constantly think of my oldest, wanting to share each and every moment with him. Although that is not possible right now, I continue to build a website so that one day he will see what I have been up to in the time that he has been away. I then think about the middle boy, so smart and funny. Constantly keeping me on my toes intelectually so that I have something to offer him. It is easy to give him advice, and then see what he does about it....:) Thirdly, my youngest was the one that was closest to me when I made a great life change. I remember the promise that I made to him when he was a baby, brand new and in the baby warmer " I will always be close to you...and I will do my best to take care of you." So far I think that I have kept that promise. But it continues to be "One day at a time"...The best way....

Hello hello hello....Well it is July now and I am excited...!!! 4th of July with Rylee and Kyler, I look forward to it!!! I will write with updates!!!

I really have to say that I am sorry to all the people that I have been affecting with my negative attitude lately. Dealing with some of my life issues has been taxing my patience and I end up venting on people that usually do not deserve it. So for anyone that I have done this to, I am sorry. One of the main things that I have been dealing with is the proceeding with the court to try to get my oldest son out here to california. This is hard, hard, hard....I have a deep love for my children. Although sometimes I realize that it may be misplaced. I try to listen and to compromise. One of his points for not coming out here is that he would like to be adopted. I can accept that since he lives where he does most of the time that I could do the name change thing. But I do not want to lose the ability to see him or be a part of his life. This I feel would be in severe jeopardy due to the change in rights. I just want to play with him...to spend some time with him. Is it ever too late??? That is my dilemna ......I just need to keep on praying and doing the next right thing.

Hello....:)....I got my drivers license today....second time that I have been down to the DMV and today was a better experience after going through the website and making an appointment. Discussions about my oldest son in Idaho were prevalent today....mediator, school, county court....It will cost me some money to file the paperwork that I need to. I went around my better judgement today regarding notification of my sons mom. I know that I should keep everything open, but I just dont trust her. It is the hardest thing to not be able to call a child and be able to talk to him because of all the negative influence their "Primary" custodian has put upon them. They use statements that "we dont lie to him" and "we tell him everything". Why would you do that? Why wouldnt you want a child to be a child. So what if the parents have their own issues...So, in saying this there is a really awesome site to take a look at called SPARC which is for parents that are seperated from their children. Take a look I recommend it immensely.

Hello...things are working again I see....til tomorrow...Goodnight :)

Today has been one heck of a day...I have some things that are coming up for decisions in the later part of the week and I need to make the calls about them now....Oh well....:) Take care and I will write later...

Thank you to all the men and women that have sacrificed for the well being of this nation. I enjoy a wonderful life and will not forget the sacrifices you have made.

Wow, I tried to go to my blogger page...and it was gone.....

I want so badly to be able to go over to my oldest sons house and pick him up and give him a hug. To tell him that I am not such a bad man....and that we are missing out on time that is soooo valuable...I have been working very hard to improve our relationship, and now have finally taken it a step farther by going to the courts to ask for help. I hope that this all will work out someday. I know that everything is a process and I am not in control of the timeframe. I have been acting out on my anger lately, being very snappy to people that I do not have any reason to be snappy to. I hope this will pass sometime soon. I realize that by talking about it I may be letting some of the air out of the situation. :) Take care...and I will write again later....

Another week....Yahoo!!! I have been working on another web site...hopefully I can get these two to link up and then we can have "beautiful music" ....:) later for now

Focus on the journey and you may find what you're looking for. Hard work invites relaxation. Sluggards may linger in the shadows of yesterday..... Exploration is as much internal as external....

Its too funny...sitting here all day....just got a call for the newspaper...yes...I will try it for 2 months..no not for free....2 dollars a week for the daily and the sunday....ok.right...whatever...I need to mix it in with the garden to get some of these plants growning better...:) Work is going great...things are moving forward....:) I may be sitting very....hmmmm... "pretty" next year...I wont divulge any information, but the company that I am working with is doing awesome..more servers are being installed all the time....and I am in the mix...I am currently running my own server....yes a real server with hot swap power and raid assy. Who would have guessed that this would have been going on a couple years ago....:) I am filled with gratitude...and a pizza...:)

I am happy. Listening again to some new tunes...1.00 = a 70's compilation cd.......Fire and Rain right now....Sounds great.....Looks like I am going to have to do that Adobe Go Live tutorial...I really want to get a nice clean, beautiful page so I have the best tools now...and I go from there...:) I was reading about that climber that cut off his own arm...they say cuy off...but he really broke it off...cool. I know...sick right...but again...proving my point...better him then me...That is pretty negative though. But he survived...he had a "life experience" somethng that will shape and form his thinking for the rest his life....I survived a 10 year "life experience" Many of my values have changed....each day is a new opportunity to change....Have a great day....

Well, I have to say it...because it is about time....Everything...at this moment is pretty wonderful....no kindas, no maybes...just plain wonderful. I had a great day at work...problems came and they were resolved...I put my head down and took care of all the paperwork that I needed to ...and felt pretty well about the whole scenario.....Tonight I went to the thrift store and picked up a few more cd's...I really need to do a count on this collection that I have here...I continue to diversify my collection...spending 5 dollars on 5 cd's is always good for me......My company finally moved to a new office. I guess there prosperity is my prosperity...The place has a gym, and a wonderfully beautiful building...:)...I hope that I can someday get a site where I can host some pictures...;)..Oh, did I tell you that my company gave me a server? Must've slipped my mine....A Compaq Proliant ML 370....Bad ass PIII dual with 5 scsi drives arrayed for 2 logical drives...Fast, wide and heavy as fuck! Sounds like an aircraft taking off when you start it up. But running network apps on it is a breeze...hardly flinching...of course I am not going to use it for like 1,000 people to log onto...but for me and my partners...it is plenty fast enough. I am currently listening to Antony Degennaro...fantastic guitar player. Check him out here!

" not going to my grave with unlived lives in my veins" (Jennifer Aniston the Good Girl).......Taking the moment for what it is...having no regrets

I found myself missing my grandparents today...looking at the beautiful plants my Grandmother Tavis left me......My Grandfather reading in the backyard, the sun on his face....tobacco spit on his chin.....My Grandmother cooking the best pies and pastry.....laughter...mixed with gentle anger.....They taught me how to pray, how life seperates the generations...and then life brings the people back together...I saw them all before they passed from this place...and told them as a child, as a young man...and as an adult how much they meant to me...and their stories...They guide me late in the night...when my heart is lonely...and the path is dark....a brief glow of their lives carries me through....I thank them all the time...Their memory....a song that never stops playing its warm sounds in my mind...and in my heart. My journey is not half way through....I hope that I may do all that I can....so that one day....when they meet me at the gates, between this life and the next....I might bring a smile to their faces....

Well, again something went wrong with the setup of the new computer....bad NIC....bought a Microsoft Card first....why? I dont know....now I am with Linksys....much better...:)

Hello, and good day everyone....my back is starting to hurt again...I wont tell you why. Yesterday, I got ripped off by Best Buy for the first time that I know of....very silly thing....but important. You see, they advertise a specific harddrive for 79.99 after rebates, I showed the sales/tech the add and had him climb up the ladder for the box. The add lists the model as a 80gig drive with an 8meg buffer....hence (model no. WD800JBRTL) The one that I got was the (model no. WD800BBRTL) There is a difference on in the price after rebate the JJBRTL is 20 dollars less, also the JBRTL has a 8 meg buffer. Very important for performance issues. Hey, so I called them with a heads-up....the manager was cool, saying he would inform the "guys" also saying that I should bring the hard-drive back and exchange it....sorry no go....I am not pulling the computer apart again.....:) Just a friendly reminder from me to take a look at the add closeley and verify model numbers....

So I am currently getting broadband installed. Comcast is doing the job....I get the ability to work from home and then go into work 2 days a week. I hope that all goes well. Next week I will probably get the linksys wireless combo and put it up for my laptop...:) Big thoughts I guess...:) On the flip side I have been having the worst time with my oldest son, who lives in Idaho with his mother....I have to pray about that one....and give it some space....Thanks Jena for the advice....:) Well have a great day...I am going to pick up the extra processor today and that will be going into a new box that I am building....Back in the swing of things I guess....I put myself through hell enough...today is my day....:)

anyone that wants to buy me a present should check this out...:) Cause I have an extra PIII that would go sweet with it...:)

angry women turn me on....just kidding....

I went and saw the movie "Nowhere in Africa" last night with my lady.....The movie was subtitled, being filmed in German. I enjoyed it....It created within me a sense of longing to hold on to the moments...that people will go in and out of each others lives...like the sun passes through the day.....I sat in my patio....thinking that the best things that I can do are to be there for my children and help them enjoy the moments...the moments that go so fast...

Toys...:) My webcam...

This an amazing speech.....I found it on CommonDreams.org


Published on Wednesday, April 16, 2003 by CommonDreams.org
'A Chill Wind is Blowing in This Nation...'
Transcript of the speech given by actor Tim Robbins to the National Press Club in Washington, D.C., on April 15, 2003.

TIM ROBBINS: Thank you. And thanks for the invitation. I had originally been asked here to talk about the war and our current political situation, but I have instead chosen to hijack this opportunity and talk about baseball and show business. (Laughter.) Just kidding. Sort of.

I can't tell you how moved I have been at the overwhelming support I have received from newspapers throughout the country in these past few days. I hold no illusions that all of these journalists agree with me on my views against the war. While the journalists' outrage at the cancellation of our appearance in Cooperstown is not about my views, it is about my right to express these views. I am extremely grateful that there are those of you out there still with a fierce belief in constitutionally guaranteed rights. We need you, the press, now more than ever. This is a crucial moment for all of us.

For all of the ugliness and tragedy of 9-11, there was a brief period afterward where I held a great hope, in the midst of the tears and shocked faces of New Yorkers, in the midst of the lethal air we breathed as we worked at Ground Zero, in the midst of my children's terror at being so close to this crime against humanity, in the midst of all this, I held on to a glimmer of hope in the naive assumption that something good could come out of it.


Actor Tim Robbins speaks about his anti-war stance at the National Press Club in Washington Tuesday, April 15, 2003. (AP Photo/Gerald Herbert)

I imagined our leaders seizing upon this moment of unity in America, this moment when no one wanted to talk about Democrat versus Republican, white versus black, or any of the other ridiculous divisions that dominate our public discourse. I imagined our leaders going on television telling the citizens that although we all want to be at Ground Zero, we can't, but there is work that is needed to be done all over America. Our help is needed at community centers to tutor children, to teach them to read. Our work is needed at old-age homes to visit the lonely and infirmed; in gutted neighborhoods to rebuild housing and clean up parks, and convert abandoned lots to baseball fields. I imagined leadership that would take this incredible energy, this generosity of spirit and create a new unity in America born out of the chaos and tragedy of 9/11, a new unity that would send a message to terrorists everywhere: If you attack us, we will become stronger, cleaner, better educated, and more unified. You will strengthen our commitment to justice and democracy by your inhumane attacks on us. Like a Phoenix out of the fire, we will be reborn.

And then came the speech: You are either with us or against us. And the bombing began. And the old paradigm was restored as our leader encouraged us to show our patriotism by shopping and by volunteering to join groups that would turn in their neighbor for any suspicious behavior.

In the 19 months since 9-11, we have seen our democracy compromised by fear and hatred. Basic inalienable rights, due process, the sanctity of the home have been quickly compromised in a climate of fear. A unified American public has grown bitterly divided, and a world population that had profound sympathy and support for us has grown contemptuous and distrustful, viewing us as we once viewed the Soviet Union, as a rogue state.

This past weekend, Susan and I and the three kids went to Florida for a family reunion of sorts. Amidst the alcohol and the dancing, sugar-rushing children, there was, of course, talk of the war. And the most frightening thing about the weekend was the amount of times we were thanked for speaking out against the war because that individual speaking thought it unsafe to do so in their own community, in their own life. Keep talking, they said; I haven't been able to open my mouth.

A relative tells me that a history teacher tells his 11-year-old son, my nephew, that Susan Sarandon is endangering the troops by her opposition to the war. Another teacher in a different school asks our niece if we are coming to the school play. They're not welcome here, said the molder of young minds.

Another relative tells me of a school board decision to cancel a civics event that was proposing to have a moment of silence for those who have died in the war because the students were including dead Iraqi civilians in their silent prayer.

A teacher in another nephew's school is fired for wearing a T- shirt with a peace sign on it. And a friend of the family tells of listening to the radio down South as the talk radio host calls for the murder of a prominent anti-war activist. Death threats have appeared on other prominent anti-war activists' doorsteps for their views. Relatives of ours have received threatening e-mails and phone calls. And my 13-year-old boy, who has done nothing to anybody, has recently been embarrassed and humiliated by a sadistic creep who writes -- or, rather, scratches his column with his fingernails in dirt.

Susan and I have been listed as traitors, as supporters of Saddam, and various other epithets by the Aussie gossip rags masquerading as newspapers, and by their fair and balanced electronic media cousins, 19th Century Fox. (Laughter.) Apologies to Gore Vidal. (Applause.)

Two weeks ago, the United Way canceled Susan's appearance at a conference on women's leadership. And both of us last week were told that both we and the First Amendment were not welcome at the Baseball Hall of Fame.

A famous middle-aged rock-and-roller called me last week to thank me for speaking out against the war, only to go on to tell me that he could not speak himself because he fears repercussions from Clear Channel. "They promote our concert appearances," he said. "They own most of the stations that play our music. I can't come out against this war."

And here in Washington, Helen Thomas finds herself banished to the back of the room and uncalled on after asking Ari Fleischer whether our showing prisoners of war at Guantanamo Bay on television violated the Geneva Convention.

A chill wind is blowing in this nation. A message is being sent through the White House and its allies in talk radio and Clear Channel and Cooperstown. If you oppose this administration, there can and will be ramifications.

Every day, the air waves are filled with warnings, veiled and unveiled threats, spewed invective and hatred directed at any voice of dissent. And the public, like so many relatives and friends that I saw this weekend, sit in mute opposition and fear.

I am sick of hearing about Hollywood being against this war. Hollywood's heavy hitters, the real power brokers and cover-of-the- magazine stars, have been largely silent on this issue. But Hollywood, the concept, has always been a popular target.

I remember when the Columbine High School shootings happened. President Clinton criticized Hollywood for contributing to this terrible tragedy -- this, as we were dropping bombs over Kosovo. Could the violent actions of our leaders contribute somewhat to the violent fantasies of our teenagers? Or is it all just Hollywood and rock and roll?

I remember reading at the time that one of the shooters had tried to enlist to fight the real war a week before he acted out his war in real life at Columbine. I talked about this in the press at the time. And curiously, no one accused me of being unpatriotic for criticizing Clinton. In fact, the same radio patriots that call us traitors today engaged in daily personal attacks on their president during the war in Kosovo.

Today, prominent politicians who have decried violence in movies -- the "Blame Hollywooders," if you will -- recently voted to give our current president the power to unleash real violence in our current war. They want us to stop the fictional violence but are okay with the real kind.

And these same people that tolerate the real violence of war don't want to see the result of it on the nightly news. Unlike the rest of the world, our news coverage of this war remains sanitized, without a glimpse of the blood and gore inflicted upon our soldiers or the women and children in Iraq. Violence as a concept, an abstraction -- it's very strange.

As we applaud the hard-edged realism of the opening battle scene of "Saving Private Ryan," we cringe at the thought of seeing the same on the nightly news. We are told it would be pornographic. We want no part of reality in real life. We demand that war be painstakingly realized on the screen, but that war remain imagined and conceptualized in real life.

And in the midst of all this madness, where is the political opposition? Where have all the Democrats gone? Long time passing, long time ago. (Applause.) With apologies to Robert Byrd, I have to say it is pretty embarrassing to live in a country where a five-foot- one comedian has more guts than most politicians. (Applause.) We need leaders, not pragmatists that cower before the spin zones of former entertainment journalists. We need leaders who can understand the Constitution, congressman who don't in a moment of fear abdicate their most important power, the right to declare war to the executive branch. And, please, can we please stop the congressional sing-a- longs? (Laughter.)

In this time when a citizenry applauds the liberation of a country as it lives in fear of its own freedom, when an administration official releases an attack ad questioning the patriotism of a legless Vietnam veteran running for Congress, when people all over the country fear reprisal if they use their right to free speech, it is time to get angry. It is time to get fierce. And it doesn't take much to shift the tide. My 11-year-old nephew, mentioned earlier, a shy kid who never talks in class, stood up to his history teacher who was questioning Susan's patriotism. "That's my aunt you're talking about. Stop it." And the stunned teacher backtracks and began stammering compliments in embarrassment.

Sportswriters across the country reacted with such overwhelming fury at the Hall of Fame that the president of the Hall admitted he made a mistake and Major League Baseball disavowed any connection to the actions of the Hall's president. A bully can be stopped, and so can a mob. It takes one person with the courage and a resolute voice.

The journalists in this country can battle back at those who would rewrite our Constitution in Patriot Act II, or "Patriot, The Sequel," as we would call it in Hollywood. We are counting on you to star in that movie. Journalists can insist that they not be used as publicists by this administration. (Applause.) The next White House correspondent to be called on by Ari Fleischer should defer their question to the back of the room, to the banished journalist du jour. (Applause.) And any instance of intimidation to free speech should be battled against. Any acquiescence or intimidation at this point will only lead to more intimidation. You have, whether you like it or not, an awesome responsibility and an awesome power: the fate of discourse, the health of this republic is in your hands, whether you write on the left or the right. This is your time, and the destiny you have chosen.

We lay the continuance of our democracy on your desks, and count on your pens to be mightier. Millions are watching and waiting in mute frustration and hope - hoping for someone to defend the spirit and letter of our Constitution, and to defy the intimidation that is visited upon us daily in the name of national security and warped notions of patriotism.

Our ability to disagree, and our inherent right to question our leaders and criticize their actions define who we are. To allow those rights to be taken away out of fear, to punish people for their beliefs, to limit access in the news media to differing opinions is to acknowledge our democracy's defeat. These are challenging times. There is a wave of hate that seeks to divide us -- right and left, pro-war and anti-war. In the name of my 11-year-old nephew, and all the other unreported victims of this hostile and unproductive environment of fear, let us try to find our common ground as a nation. Let us celebrate this grand and glorious experiment that has survived for 227 years. To do so we must honor and fight vigilantly for the things that unite us -- like freedom, the First Amendment and, yes, baseball. (Applause.)

So, as you can see there have been a few rough attitude days.....When things change, it takes awhile to get used to them....I know that there is something inside of me right now that is not sitting right....I have to work on my faith....(Which is pretty good most of the time...) and my communication with others. People will take advantage of each other without even realizing it...Part of my frustration with my dad....Thats it....So I hope that everyone has a wonderful Easter and remembers what it really means to those of the Christian faith......

Ok, I agree, the stuff about my dad is harsh. I was pissed, as pissed as I can be about people. Even when you care about someone and stay quiet about their shit, that doesnt make their shit any better. A dick is a dick, and a bitch is a bitch, sugar coating or not. Even dumb bitches who cant see their fucked up reality in front of their two googlely eyes. Dumb bitches that think they know how the world works because they have been screwed every which way, and shit upon by every person. Who am I to talk, so if I get quiet, and I dont say anything, than realize that you are nothing but a fucked up sack of shit that cant tell the difference between right and wrong, good and bad, and in essence which way the air bubbles flow to the surface. Go ahead, stare at your walls, listen to your silence, becuase that is all you are going to have when your mind goes pop. Am I talking about me, in essence yes, in reality, NO! Go figure........

This is so much fun,.... I cant believe how parents get when they get older...I mean really no one warned me about how my dad would start acting like a complete asshole...Was I blind, did I cover the truth. The guy is out of his mind. He just broke up with his wife and his mind is blown.

It is nice to be sitting here with Rylee looking on the internet for Guinea Pigs....have a good day!!!

There are definitely alot of things to be thankful about...I just watched a show on PBS about what happens when water supplies are not kept clean, such as in a third world country...I would hate to lose my children to disease caused by mosquitos....

Ok, so I bought some ram for my new baby....I would love to buy 512 mb right now but that would be a little too much. I went to Crucial and they seemed to have the best memory out there. I know, I know, you are saying,,,why dont you save your money and buy it somewhere else....well, I bought the argument that not all memory is created equally,......:) Thanks and LATER!!

Vacation, soon. I like the sound of it...how about you

Well, it has been a week since I last posted....What a week. Oregon turned out to be ok. I just dont know how people survive on the wages that they get up there. I know that with the payments that I have to make each month, it would be impossible for me. My father is now here in California...and his journey just now seems to be beginning....I wish him well. I owe him alot. Especially since I had about 10 years of screwing things up and he was always there. Kudos. I will write later.

Please help guide me tomorrow....My journey is to Oregon to pick up a car for my dad. I do not look forward to the drive, and that is making this all the harder....why cant it just be a simple thing....like driving an hour away. I feel like I am going on a life journey. It has been a long, long time since I have driven so far. I know that my God is with me on the journey though. I must look at it as a good thing....something to look forward to. I will be taking my camera with me....so that will be a good thing....I will let everyone know when I get back....have fun...:) me.........

PS, why is it that children can hurt us so bad....what is it...that makes them hold the real keys to our heart....

So, I have fixed my computer, adding memory....all is still well. Look forward to the pictures from oregon....:)

It is sunday night and all is well....:)

It has been another nice day. Work went smoothly and now I am in my UNIX class...ls -lt...right....so nothing much is planned for tonight other than reviewing for the test next Saturday. This will be the mid-term....I have to do some studying soon. Tomorrow I am going to go to my grandfathers house and pick up some more of the plants. I love my patio....a part of my grandmother lives there in the plants that I have brought over. I dont know the names of the plants that I have right now....but I will take pictures soon and post them.....I would like to say that I found a site through another blog...and I think it is exceptional. Here is the link Have a wonderful day, and I will be back soon.

sitting here, enjoying class....right! NOT! I would much rather be home right now...two more days....then play time again....What a wus!!!

Ok, so it is Sunday....my energy level is pretty good....but I need to stop drinking these damn Coca-colas. They get me all nervous....I went to a wonderful Spanish dancing and poetry reading at the Randall Museum in San Francisco....I had one of those really beautiful days....Here is a picture for the day....:)

It seems to be a flower from another planet....evolution that took its course.....never knowing where but showing beauty along every step....enjoy

audblog audio post

Hey, yes I am still here.....not much to say

Yummy!!

See the bee.....bzzzzz!!

A fine pic of an orchid

War is BAD. Killing is BAD. I had quite the experience yesterday. One of which I do not want to repeat. But here is my thought, WAR IS BAD. The winner is the one that does the most bad to the other. Usually stated as, "The one that does the most bad for the most good" Silly statement.

I am so glad to be back at work...I am currently watching a tutorial on Maya...Very interesting...but now I realize what people were telling me when I would go too fast with the instructions that I would give them on the computer. I have been home alone for a week now and I have to say, after a few days, it becomes pretty nice....I will be picking up my girlfriend on Wed. I look forward to it....I spent the past few days with my son, and he is AWESOME!!! We had a lot of fun, watching the move Daredevil and Cats and going shopping, and playing ball at the park....he even nailed me in the gut with the ball after one pitch....he laughed and laughed.... I spent one afternoon with my middle boy at the library...We were building one of the professional Lego kits...the 4x4 truck...Way Hard!!! but I took pictures and we had a blast.... I am so grateful for my children, they are the best fun that I ever have....:) Have a great day...

I am really bored right now....:) I finally am in the swing of things here at work, and the learning never stops...talk about timebomb editing in regedit setting values conveying to customer blah blah blah....The week is almost over for me and I cant wait to sleep in ......like a dream......

Try these photos out....:) Click here to visit the album on imira.com.

Wow, what a day! I locked my keys in the car, helped alot of customers, and it is my Friday. I am happy, but a little wierded out cause I have had my share of caffeine for the day. I look forward to the next few days!!! I hope you do too! I learned today to ask for help, keep doing what you are doing, and that things will resolve themselves. I am taking home my project "Dragon Beach" tonight so that I may work on it tomorrow, or while my youngest is home with me in the next few days....He might think painting is cool. I know that I do. My plants are doing fine and growing and I am happy. That is enough...Goodnight.

What is it about California rolls. I think they make me slightly intoxicated. Just Kidding!!! They are so gooooood! At this place here in Sunnyvale, they are 2.50 per 10...so I get 20. I cant eat all of them....it would make me sick, so I take 6 home and have them for breakfast...with a yogurt....that is the way to do it!! I am sleepy right now...having stayed up later than I had wanted. This was due to me being a complete asshole to my partner. I recognize that when I am in a "get to bed" mode, I am a jerk. I will work on this for sure. No reason to make other people unhappy.Well, that is it....gotta go....

Well it is Monday, I hope everyone is doing well. Sitting here at work, the quiet reminds me of the gratitude that I feel. I am very thankful. Reading about the shuttle, I am reminded of all the men and women that have gone before. I read yesterday that the astronauts did not become heroes after they died, they were heroes the instant they sat down in their seats to go up there. I will continue to support the space industry, because it is where are future lies. Sometimes there are losses. Let the losses help me recognize the gift of holding my children, of working, of loving and living. I would hope that I am always in this state, yet sometimes the reminders that are posted out in the world help me focus. Every day is a gift, whether bad or good.

Lets say a prayer for the astronauts that we lost today. Given in Freedom.

Hello.....Long time no talk. Everything is going well, spent three days with my youngest. This new digital camera that I got is really doing the job....It is nice to have a digital camera. I picked this one up from a pawn shop.Being at the park across the street I got some really nice pictures of my youngest playing on the equipment and coming down the slide. Last night at my mom's house, I got some really good pictures of the house and of there cat....oh fun!! I am here at work. Wandering around the school of hard NOC's.

Nice day it is today. Raiders are playing at 3:30...I look forward to the game...there were already people at the coliseum when I went by yesterday. The fans for the Raiders are something else. My brother is a big fan. GO RAIDERS. They are playing the Titans tonight. I have a 20 dollar bet with Juan about the Bucaneer/Raider game if the Raiders and Bucaneers win today....I think that means 20 dollars in my pocket. The weekend has been ok. I did not feel too well last night...but that has passed....I think that it is time for another soda...I think that I will get a coke....It is almost time to start posting some pictures now that I have the digital camera. Oh, did I tell you that I got a digital camera for 80 dollars. A nice HP 618. I am happy that I bought it, although I had to let my girlfriend know that she could not cash one of the checks that I gave her. I have been working on my painting and my greenhouse. Both are doing very well......That is enough for now....later...:)

Ok, today is Tuesday, but for my work week it is Friday....I love 4 x 10's. Sometimes it seems a little long....but it is worth it when Wednsday rolls around. My plans are simple, Wed. rest, Thurs see my boys, and Friday go to my doctors appointment....I know, sound like fun....I want to do something fun tomorrow though....So, how has your day been. Read any good news lately. I read MSNBC everyday, and that is way too much.....The conflict with Iraq is getting stale, I dont see the point in going to war with them, if Bush has cards he is holding, he better let us know before. That is all I have to say about that. Have a great day and I will write later.

My Megadeth and Anthrax days are back again. Takes me right back to when I was 13-17. Wow, on the way to work I was jammin out. Sleep last night was ok, woke up a couple times though. The alarm went off at 12:00am. Thought that was cute....I had to laugh. Cause I was sleeping pretty good, and then the alarm, but I still had 4 more hours!! It was like a bonus or something. Well, I plan to be with my kids later this week. I miss them. Even though I call all the time....it is nice to hear them and see them. Last night I watched "Surreal Tv" on WB20. Vince Neil is one of the participants. He totally surprised me with his mellowness and calm. I could see that he felt strangely out of place, then they asked him "What was the biggest brick in your life" His reply shocked me, the death of his 4 year old daughter 7 years ago. Tragic. I felt for him, and that made his mellowness all the more real and understandable. I will continue to watch on Sunday nights. Then I watched "Enterprise", the new "old" Star Trek. I have to say that the death of children that I have dealt with through the media lately has put a downere on my life. I just realized the "mortality" of my life a couple years ago, now I am realizing the "mortality" and "fragileness" of life. Important.

I saw a wonderfully horrific movie 2 nights ago. "The Pianist" by Polansky. Every few years we get another movie about the horrors on the Jewish community instigated by the Germans, and those unwilling to help. I left the movie feeling upset and angry and very sad. The graphical nature of the movie portrayed the horror of families being destroyed and the overall "cheapness" of life at that time and place...."The Pianist" was a top notch movie...but at what cost. War is never nice. We are quickly accelerating to a time of war....at what cost. What will be the cost to the civilians in Iraq?? I happily talked to my children the past two days. My oldest will be getting 2 new "Hardy Boys" books. I spoke with his mother and it seems appropriate because he loves to read. My middle boy, I need to spend some one on one time with. Wednsday or Thursday, I will go and give him his medical card and then hopefully get a few hours to build a lego truck or talk or whatever he wants to do. My youngest, I miss just because. He was going through it a little early this weekend, grumpy and yelling....I dont know what is bothering him....but I hope that it wont last forever. His mother is starting to date now, and I think that it is wonderful. I know how scary it must be, I know the changes that I made were very hard, and my heart was always involved. I just wish her well and hope that she goes slow....Slow and steady gets the job done...

Migraine. Single word. That is enough!

It has been a few days since I last wrote.....I am thinking about the night that I took the "boys" to see the Monster trucks over at the arena. My 4 year old like the quieter trucks. But when the Monster trucks opened up.....that was enough for him. I felt bad for him because I had not provided ear plugs, but there were some nice people there that let him use some of theirs. The trucks were too damned loud....kind've exciting though...I just felt good being around the kids. I miss them on the in between. I think that they miss me too sometimes. That is why it is soooooo important that I stay well. My health is what is bothering me. The weight is getting on my nerves.....I know that I am overweight, and my back kills me....but I am toooo lazy to go work out!!! I have to work on that!! We will see in the upcoming blogs. Work is going well, I have almost finished day number 2 this week. I only work 4 days...Thank God!!...Have a great day and I will be back soon!!!

Halloween the Resurection was a kiler movie...Ok, what am I doing watching that movie at this time of year....who knows, just trying to scare the stuff out of myself....thanks.....Thats enough for today.....Have a good night